Writing June 12, 2017 19

Write a Blurb to Disturb

Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this. When people find out I write books, the first thing out of their mouths is, “Oh, you wrote a book? What’s it about?”

And suddenly this feeling washes over me as if they had said, “Oh, you’re wearing a bra? Can I see it?”

They’re trying to be nice, I get it. But it’s such a personal question. That’s not something you ask in public, when the conversation is so light and … well, there are people around.

It’s not their fault, really. It’s ours. Because there is another reason this question makes us uncomfortable. I’m going to be honest with you, and it may sting a little. It’s because most of the time, we don’t know ourselves.

“Well, it’s about this girl who goes to this place and meets this guy, and they fall in love, but then something bad happens, and I don’t want to say anymore because I don’t want to give it away.”

Blink, blink.

Blink. Blink.

So … anyone want to see my bra?

Guys, the topic of your book is a legitimate question. And guess what else? One day, an agent or publisher or book critic is going to ask you the same thing. And if you want them to love your book the way you do, you’d better have a damn good answer. You’re better off showing them your bra than stuttering over that girl-meets-boy garbage.

So what goes into writing not only a formulaic blurb, but also a catchy one?

Imagine walking into Barnes & Noble. You look around. Books. Thousands of them. Shelves and tables and floors of books, all vying for YOUR attention. Blurbs are scrawled across the backs of every single one. All designed for YOU to read. Created with YOU in mind. Praying for the day when YOU read it and YOU ultimately purchase that book.

So you pick one up with the prettiest cover and the snazziest title, and you turn it over and read: One day, Little Miss Felicia McBoohoo runs into serious trouble. It just gets worse and worse. Will she ever make it out alive?

You know what? Screw you, Señorita McBoohoo! You know who’s in serious trouble? Me! My dog just vomited on the rug and my kids are literally breaking bones in their hands from punching each other in the head. That’s trouble, and you just wasted twenty seconds of my life that I’ll never get back.

Bye, Felicia.

So much for the pretty cover and title—she failed to hook me with the blurb. But let’s talk about what Fraulein McBoohoo did right. She followed the basic storyline:

Something bad happens to our main character. She tries to fix it, but she manages to make it worse. Something in her has to change in order for her to defeat the antagonist in the end. Can she do it?

Obviously, that’s as basic as it gets. There are many more points on the arc or the circle or whatever you use to plot your stories (side note: if you can’t plug your plot points into that basic storyline, STOP. It is stupid important to understand how to plot a story before writing one. I’m not saying you have to know exactly how it’s going to end, but you should have a pretty clear-cut idea on what the MC’s ultimate quest is. More on this in future posts).

Just as you get uncomfortable when people ask you about your books, you should make them uncomfortable when they read your blurb. You need to drag your MC through the mud! By the time I finish reading your blurb, I should feel so agitated that I just have to buy this book in order to see how in God’s name your MC gets out of this situation that both sucks and blows simultaneously.

Generic statements aren’t going to do that.

Start your blurb with a specific, punchy sentence packed with fireworks about what sort of trouble MC is in. I don’t want to read, When tragedy struck Layken’s young life, she was destroyed. Nope. Not specific, and it doesn’t stand out from other blurbs.

Following the unexpected death of her father, eighteen-year-old Layken is forced to be the rock for both her mother and her younger brother.

Dude. That is A LOT of information that the previous sentence didn’t tell me about her, and suddenly, my puking dog and asshole kids have nothing on Layken. I’m uncomfortable. I keep reading.

Layken meets her attractive twenty-one-year-old neighbor who has an intriguing passion for slams.

And now I’m fascinated, because enter hot, sexy guy. But how do we know he’s hot-n-sexy? The blurb doesn’t even use those buzzwords, not even close. The only indication of his appearance is the word attractive. But that’s not even what hooked me – he has a passion for slams. What the what?! This sets him apart from all the other cookie-cutter dreamboats on the other book jackets. So Layken’s life sucks and now there’s a hot poetry guy—what could go wrong?!

The author has staged the perfect fail. Remember—the higher you raise the stakes, the harder the fall. Now we have enough specifics to tease the reader; now we can be vague.

Not long after their first date … a shocking revelation forces their new relationship to a sudden halt.

And that’s the recipe for disaster. I don’t need specifics at this point; no need to spoil the ending. As long as you paint a clear enough picture of the struggle in the beginning, your reader will be hooked long before the last cliff-hanger paragraph.

So don’t be scared to give away too much information! You’re not going to spoil any surprises, I promise. Those details are what’s going to make your book stand out and infuriate me enough to make me want to read it and then tell my friends to read it and then stalk your Facebook and your mother’s Facebook and name my child after your dog.

Lastly, you don’t have to follow Madam McBoohoo’s formula perfectly. Obviously, not all blurbs are fill-in-the-blank Mad Libs. Be creative and use your own voice, as long as you stage the perfect fail.

Questions? Comments. Go.

And lastly, if you can tell me which book I described above, I’ll show you my bra.

About the author

Traci:

19 Comments

  1. Mari

    June 12, 2017
    Reply

    Señorita McBooboo 😂
    I've never thought of writing a book, much less the process and marketing that goes into it. I feel like I'm reading insider Information the other authors don't want me to find out about. They want me to keep falling for their tricks and keep buying heir books. Keep posting these boobs, i mean blogs 😊 Love them

    • Traci

      June 12, 2017
      Reply

      It's evil in there! Save yourself! Just read them! LOL

  2. Chasity Tarantino

    June 12, 2017
    Reply

    Ok Traci, not only did you hit the nail on the head with my deer in the headlights reaction to people asking me, "What's your book about?" Yes, it is a hell of a personal question and I never feel like I answer it right, but you have helped me a hell of a lot with breaking down the process of writing a killer blurb! I have always dreaded and I mean DREADED writing the blurbs I feel like I suck at them, but this has helped a lot!! Hopefully I won't end up like poor Felicia LOL

    • Traci

      June 12, 2017
      Reply

      Blurbs are harder to write than the actual books, I swear to God. I'm glad it helped! No Felicia's up in here, lol!

  3. Chasity Tarantino

    June 12, 2017
    Reply

    Oh and btw it was totally Slammed by Colleen Hoover! ;) LOL

    • Traci

      June 12, 2017
      Reply

      Ding ding ding! Congrats, here's my bra! LOL Just kidding, but you did win my Amazon gift card entry! I'll send it to your email. Just shoot me a message as to where exactly you want it sent. :) I'm so happy for you, lol!

  4. Chasity Tarantino

    June 12, 2017
    Reply

    I'm serious, I always tell the people, the book was easy, it's the blurb that's hard! Aw, darn no bra! You tease! LOL but seriously thank you so much!!! The email is pebblespenguin@yahoo.com please! You are the best!!!

  5. Chasity Tarantino

    June 12, 2017
    Reply

    Wait, it's definitely pebblespenguin1@yahoo.com

    • Traci

      June 12, 2017
      Reply

      Awesome, you should be getting it within the next five minutes. :) If you don't, lmk.

  6. Azalea

    June 12, 2017
    Reply

    I love Slammed! And I'm with you If I love an authors books I'll follow them everywhere( on social media not in a creepy way) . But did you really name your kid after an authors dog?

    • Traci

      June 12, 2017
      Reply

      LMAO Nooooooo!!!!!! I was kidding!

      • Azalea

        June 13, 2017
        Reply

        I had to ask. Maybe an author gave her dog really cool name. 😂

        • Traci

          June 13, 2017
          Reply

          Not unless someone named their dog Robbie or Andrew. LOL

  7. Renee Robin

    June 14, 2017
    Reply

    Slammed by Colleen Hoover. Great example for a blurb that packs a punch. Once I finish a novel I'll have to come back to this book marked page. Or what are your thoughts on WHEN to write the blurb?

    • Traci

      June 14, 2017
      Reply

      Personally, I always write my blurbs when the book is finished. Only because things change during the writing process, and I would end up having to rewrite it. I'm sure it's different for others, but that's how I roll.

  8. Jenna Walker

    June 14, 2017
    Reply

    It's Slammed by Colleen Hoover. But that's not why I'm commenting. I'm commenting because you hit the nail on the head. When I'm asked what my book is about it turns awkward, and damn that's personal! I start to stutter and stammer and say things like "Oh, it's stupid, really." But that's my art and I don't really feel that way. I'm just uncomfortable. I need a blurb. Even though I haven't finished the book and thought that was down the road. Thank you. This is a legit Oprah Ah-Ha moment! I've always wanted one. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    • Traci

      June 14, 2017
      Reply

      Lol right?! Isn't it so awkward?! Like I told Renee, I personally wait until the book is finished to write the blurb. There are probably some fantastic authors who do it differently, but I can't handle the stress of writing a book AND a blurb together, since I really feel like writing the blurb is harder than the book itself.

  9. Amy Vox Libris

    July 9, 2017
    Reply

    I love this blog. Thank you for all of the advice and guidance you're giving! You have no idea how invaluable it is for me. And it's all about me.

    • Traci

      July 10, 2017
      Reply

      Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying it. Let me know if there are any topics you'd like me to write on specifically. :)

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